i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
