my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
