good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
