a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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