You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
pop tarts are not kleenex
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
