there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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