You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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