Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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