dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
