she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
