i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
