lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
