I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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