Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could make wine with my vomit
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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