She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
