I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
