i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
