he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
