And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
