I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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