I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
