Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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