I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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