just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm at about main and main street
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
