no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
