Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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