so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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