I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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