what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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