Your face is a jimmy john
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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