In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
