he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize