i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
