I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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