You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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