it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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