Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Semen is not good for contacts.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
