Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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