we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
