that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I think my moral compass just broke
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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