Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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