I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
