I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
