i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
