Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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