My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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