So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
