Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
