She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
