ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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