So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
