he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
