If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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