I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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