I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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