his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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