I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
