Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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