Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
