bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
