this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
