it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
