Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
