just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
