Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize