Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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